For many years I’ve wished I could do the things I’ve always dreamed of doing. Those things are fairly broad-ranging, with the number one position held by the dream of acting and singing on Broadway. I think I had the talent and ability in my early twenties (no, really…. I DID!!!) but I was terrified of living completely on my own and enduring the daily possibility/probability of failure. So I ignored my family, my friends, and the encouragement of people who actually bought tickets to performances I was a part of in Dallas and never went to New York.
Soon, I had responsibilities to other people that kept me from feeling like I could dump a regular 8-5 job to pursue my dreams. I also thought I’d like to paint… and took a couple of classes. But I never had space to dedicate to my art. My kids needed me more than I needed to paint. It became second nature to me to make excuses about why I didn’t do the things I wanted to do. It was easier to blame my car payment when I was asked why I stayed in Dallas (Like I couldn’t have SOLD it… geez!!), or my husband and small children for my not painting.
I eventually got back on the stage, landing a lead role in the first show I tried out for after ten years away from the theater. Not bad! I have done a few more shows since then, but now my desire is to write. The interesting thing is, I don’t have any excuses anymore. I don’t have a car payment, our house is spacious, my kids are older, and Hubby is unbelieveably supportive of my creative interests. (Yes, he’s my 2nd – and last!)
So, I’m a writer. I Write. I still have to deal with the spectrum of failure, but I’m older, stronger, and I’ve dealt with crap for the last 20 years that would have been difficult for some people to get through with their self-esteem intact. I did it, and I know I can do anything else I want to do. If it matters to me, I can do it. And writing matters to me.
As my brother reminded me, 99% of success is just showing up (thanks Truman). Well, here I am. Now the rest will be easy.