Tomorrow will be three weeks since mom went to the ER after falling and was found to have a mass in her brain. We now know what kind of mass it is – a tumor, and what kind of tumor it is – a grade 4 glioblastoma. What we don’t yet know is when her treatment will begin. It is becoming very frustrating to be on the waiting end of this thing.
I realize that there are a lot of necessary steps involved in getting someone set up on a cancer treatment plan – and no one wants there to be any mistakes made – but should it really take this long?? As a nurse in her oncologist’s office said the other day when we told her we didn’t know when her radiation treatments would begin… “this isn’t toe cancer.” I couldn’t agree more. If there is a waiting list, it seems like she should be at the top of it, doesn’t it?
One of the first things I did for mom when she was in the hospital was buy her a journal to write in. She has always kept journals, writing in them every night fairly regularly. But somehow I thought having a mass in one’s brain deserved the purchase of a new journal dedicated to this journey we’re taking. I have been pleased to see it sitting on the table next to her when I’ve gone over to the house.
I would guess a lot of what she’s writing these days is frustrated and angry, but I hope it is a place she can put a lot of her feelings she can’t talk about. We are all optimistic, but that doesn’t mean we don’t think of the negative things that could happen. If we don’t want to talk about it, we need to at least be able to put those feelings somewhere.