How Not to Get Your Mom Out of the Hospital:

Standard

Step 1: Plan to leave work at 2:30 p.m, but be swamped until 4:30. Cuss on the way to the car.

Step 2: Head to the daycare to pick up your son (ignoring speed limits). Forget to leave birthday party invitations for son’s friends… Cuss. Drive back to the daycare to put them in the cubbies.

Step 3: Speed to your house (disregarding even more speed limits) to unload all the stuff in your van to make room for mom’s walker (Texas Ranger), bedside potty, and wheelchair.

Step 4: Pretend that there are really no traffic laws at all… pull into the covered entrance to pick up mom. Throw keys in purse. Decide not to take purse so that your hands will be free to help mom. Lock door. Close door. Cuss a lot more, apologize to your son.

Step 5: Call Pop-A-Lock.

From there on ($43.50 later…) it was fairly standard… just start here, and skip all that other stuff. Except the cussing… that’s helpful no matter how smoothly things seem to be going.

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